Why We Need Autism

I am a better person because I’ve been in touch with so many people with Autism. It pains me to consider there are so many people who would have Autism wiped from the Earth if they could. It needs to be said clearly and loudly that people with Autism bring depth and beauty to the world. I’ve said it here before, there are symptoms that accompany Autism that are difficult, and even painful. There are ways to treat and manage those symptoms; that is part of my work. Another part of my work is to celebrate the presence of Autism and every person with it. The list below is what I’ve learned and experienced in my work with people with Autism. This week with each child I took a moment to sit back in my chair to listen to and watch the kids play. They each played in her/his own way, interacting with things I couldn’t see, saying things I couldn’t understand, laughing at jokes I didn’t hear. What an absolute joy it is to witness them. What a mystery to discover. How do they learn, what do they like, what motivates each one to connect with another human being. Each child so different from the next. No one person with Autism is like another. Like all other kids they have their likes and dislikes, their motivators and deterrents. The difference is I have to try harder to get to know them, and in the process I get to discover myself. I am in the position to serve and love them, no matter what they do in response. I’ve learned many things, and sometimes the very hard way. I’ve struggled and cried. I’ve been kicked between the legs and hit in the face. I’ve laughed, a lot. I’ve lost sleep at night and went to work the next day and stood in awe while trying to find myself in this journey. I feel I’m coming more and more into the light, and finding the reasons I am so drawn to this work. There is much to be explored on why we need Autism; this list will get us started.

See the world from a new perspective

Why we need Autism:

• To learn how to be in the present moment
• To slow us down
• To bring us home
• To help us grow in compassion and acknowledge the gifts in everyone
• To help us rely on a power greater than ourselves and our own ideas
• To design the world to accommodate people universally
• To question conventions
• To learn how to play without agenda
• To learn how to love a child because we love them, not because they give us something in return
• To learn how to laugh at ourselves
• To find strengths in ourselves we didn’t know were there
• To support a child’s path, despite our ideas of ’should’ and ’shouldn’t’

To wrap this one up I share with you something one of my kindergarten kids with Autism said as we said goodbye for today,

“Thank you for your patronage.”

(come on! that’s hilarious! I just about fell on the floor. Then I thanked him for his patronage and he said, “you’re welcome.”)

Craniosacral Therapy for Kids

I’ve been a practicing Occupational Therapist for almost 7 years. On that journey I discovered Craniosacral Therapy as a way to effect deeper change for clients. A year and a half ago I opened my practice offering Craniosacral Therapy to primarily women and children. I love cranio and have had enormous healings for myself from its practice. Last weekend I took a course that deepened my understanding, and I’m renewed in my vision of what is coming for my practice. The day after the class I went back to my elementary school work and saw the kids in a new way. There are a few that would respond very well to this therapy, and I wondered how to tell parents about it, and what I do. This writing came from those questions:

Craniosacral Therapy is a light touch body work method. For children the touch is lighter than even a feather. With fingers in just the right places one can readjust the bones of the head and sacrum to allow increased flow of central nervous system fluids and decrease pressures on the brain. Generally kids like how this feels. It’s a subtle and powerful feeling. Sometimes when I work on kids they respond as if someone is finally helping them scratch the itch they couldn’t reach.

One may ask why kids need body work? Aren’t kids born balanced and well? Misalignment of the craniosacral system come from many causes. First of all, the birth process can be very traumatic and intense, and cause severe pressures on the head and body. Birth traumas may include being in the birth canal for a long time, forceps or suction births, being pressed up against the mothers pelvis, and can result from the drastic drop in pressure that happens in a c-section. In my dream world, all babies would have craniosacral therapy in the hospital, as many places in Europe practice. This would help us avoid many developmental delays that result from craniosacral misalignment.

Childhood bumps and injuries can also cause issues. Often the body can correct itself, if it was already balance prior to the injury. However, a severe blow to the head or body causes the bones and muscles to compensate for the change in alignment, and over time can change the body’s function. Symptoms such as ADHD, irritability, sleeplessness, dietary sensitivities, acid reflux, chronic ear infections, and motor delays can change quickly with effective craniosacral treatments. Are you considering, for example, having tubes placed in your child’s ears to treat infections? Try craniosacral therapy first.

When the bones of the craniosacral system are misaligned the membranes that hold the brain in place are tense and place uneven pressure on the brain. That pressure decreases the flow of cerebrospinal fluid, with is the brain’s only source for nutrition and cleansing of wastes from cellular function. Like a stagnant pond the fluids in the brain collect wast and decrease the efficiency of neurological processes. In addition, the misaligned bones can put pressure on cranial and peripheral nerves, causing them to mis-fire or lose function. What results depends on the areas of tension and severity of restriction. Symptoms may include fatigue, inattention, head banging, headaches, bed wetting, hyperactivity, food sensitivities, constipation, motor incoordination, acid reflux, gas, and so on.

Conditions such as Autism, Asperger’s, and other neurological differences are much more complex, and their cause is as yet unknown. What created Autism is the million dollar question, without an answer. There are answers as to how to reduce or eliminate discomfort. How to relieve discomfort is the duty of parents and medical professionals. It is more than possible to have a healthy, happy, comfortable child WITH Autism. The key is relief of discomfort, as for any child. Neurological diversity and difference is a part of the human gene pool. I believe Autism is a gift and these kids bring us many beautiful shifts in perspective. To cure Autism is a foolish endeavor; it’s not a disease. However, a happy and pain-free child with Autism is a beautiful goal. Craniosacral therapy is a tool in the box of solutions.

Fall and the inner teacher

Have you ever sat still long enough
to watch the falling of the leaves?
To witness the winds release them,
in droves.

Have you ever witnessed their dancing?
In groups and communities and alone?
Their dizzying spin down to the Earth.
Evidence of the wind’s unseen self.
Cradled by the air to soften their landing,
they drop gently.

The trees don’t mourn their loss,
but celebrate the newness of being seen,
their bones exposed,
their skins naked.
They dance in the wind as their leaves are released.

Flit, Float, fall.

Have you ever seen them twirl in a whirling wind?
A hundred leaves spinning around one another,
surrendering to gravity, to Earth, to Air.
then they ground.

Oh, and the smell of them!
musky decay.
They smell like coffee, steamy and dark.

Oh, and the seeds!
Little helicopters, spinning, spinning,
to slow the falling.
to spread out
away from their origin.
Like dragonflies,
you can barely see their wings.

Have you ever sat still long enough
to listen to the wisdom of your inner teacher?
To witness yourself and your own strength?
Have you ever witnessed how your attachments

Flit, float, fall
away?

Gracefully releasing what you’ve created,
to let them spread out
plant a seed?

Have you ever sat still long enough to write?
To see you’re no different than the trees in the wind
and that you, too, can dance as you release

attachments
creations
wounds
grudges
joys

releasing them all to the Earth for transformation.
And thus becoming seen, to the bone,
witnessed in the nakedness of your vulnerability,
and still standing tall
and loved.

What if you let go with grace,
and danced as you were cleansed,
and lightened,
by the winds?

Gratitude between teachers and parents

I’ve working part time in a school district, offering Occupational Therapy to all the kids at one of the schools who have IEPs, Individualized Education Plans, aka special education. The school I work in has a school readiness program for kids with Autism. So, this particular school, with the kids in the program and those in the Resource Room, has 18 kids with Autism. It’s an incredibly challenging job, and there are many dedicated general education and special education teachers who go above and beyond their jobs to learn about and accommodate for the kids on the spectrum! Did you know that teachers volunteer so much of their time that their unpaid time is often equal to a part-time job? I witnessed my Mom doing that when I was in high school. A dedicated teacher, she did whatever it took to do the job well, and with integrity. Now I work in the schools I witness how it’s a way of life for teachers. Meeting with parents, grading papers, preparing lessons, meeting continuing educations and district employee requirements, and the list goes on, takes so much more time than a 7 hour day, 5 days a week.

Why am I writing about this? First, to say thank you to the dedicated teachers! Second, to urge you all to do the same. Having worked on both sides of the fence, the educators’ side and the parents’ side, as a therapist, I’ve seen the complaining and demanding that goes on between parents and teachers. Especially when a child has special needs it is nerve racking to send her/him to school. Parents of kids on the spectrum are demonstrating great trust and courage in putting their child in school! Thank you for your trust! At the same time, they are the expert on their child, and want to meet with teachers and send in private therapists to train staff and teachers on how to work with their child, and understandably so. It is imperative for parents to go forward in gratitude, as you approach your child’s teachers with requests for accommodation such as this. It takes a great deal of extra time. There is a tendency, in society as a whole, to feel entitled. Entitled to the perfect school day for one’s child, entitled to all the services you expect for your child from the school district. This does not foster team work, and the teachers that are already volunteering so much of their time in service to all the children are put in a position of strain. What is the solution? Team work, gratitude, forgiveness, humor. The school district system is far from perfect, but what I witness are a group of people dedicated to making programs and experiences that will best serve your kids! Without fail teachers approach me with questions on how they can better help these kids. So it seems that teachers and parents share goals, to make school a pleasurable experience, and to teach the kids and enable their success. Starting from that place where there is agreement is key. Approaching a teacher from a place of entitlement fosters defensiveness.

Gratitude is the Joy of the Soul Expressed

I witnessed how one family approached their child’s teacher in such a beautiful way. They are concerned about their child’s experience in the classroom, as is the teacher. A meeting was called and the family came with questions and creative solutions, and most of allwithout blame or judgment. This can be done, and I think what we’re talking about is what I spoke of in my previous post. Clean it up. Be aware of your own wounds and challenges, and drop the finger of blame and judgment. Breathe, and know that whoever your teacher is, they are putting in their very best effort. I went to the You Can Heal Your Life conference on Sunday where I heard Bruce Lipton speak about the brain and behavior. He said, and I paraphrase, that 95% of our behavior is learned habit, and resides in the subconscious. 95%!! If you’re offended by something someone said or did, it is likely they were not aware of what it was that was offensive and why. It is vital to forgive and speak to one another compassionately.

The bottom line is that we are all, parents and teachers alike, putting in our best efforts. Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder are challenging. Being a parent of a child on the spectrum is an enormous task! Being a teacher in the public school is also enormous! Parents and teachers work infinitely hard to serve, protect, and love the children. I am in a remarkable position to witness the beauty and strength of both. The sadness I feel is that there is not more gratitude and support from one to the other. Everyone breathe together, celebrate each others strengths and beauty, it’s all going to be OK, and we are the pioneers to make this system better and better. We are learning all new ways of teaching. It’s a new thing to integrate kids on the spectrum into schools. No one will do it perfectly, but I deeply believe it only gets better from here, and it only gets better if we continue to communicate and go forward in gratitude!

On another note, write to you Congress People about paying teachers for the actual time it takes to do the job! Let’s work for change at the system and district levels!

(Artist who created above sculpture: Heather Cole, Click for information on workshops.)

Cleaning up to be a parent

It’s been so long since I’ve posted. I realized I’ve been doing what I’ve been asking parents to do in their own lives, cleaning up. Caroline Myss said, in her book Sacred Contracts,

“The challenge…is to complete the unfinished business of our childhood years and to establish healthy homes for ourselves as adults. You have a choice between handing down to your children and loved ones your family wounds and patterns of negativity, and passing on to them optimism and love of life. Healing your personal history, so that you do not pass on your own wounds, is therefore essential to creating a healthy home for yourself and your family.”

The Wellspring of Love, it resides in your heart.

And so I have been cleaning up, healing, bandaging, praying.

I am not yet a mother myself, and yet I do a lot of mothering in my work. I realized that the shadow parts of me were running the show in some ways. I realized a desire to control other’s reactions and actions in response to my coaching and teaching. My desire to help was true, yet I wanted people to do as I said, as if I had some magic formula for their lives. The truth is that I do not have the answers for you. I have some ideas to inspire, the choices are up to you. One characteristic that my teachers share is a trust in others’ ability to reach their own conclusions, and connect with their own higher source. They don’t hold attachments to what people do with their teachings. In other words, they trust The Divine to intervene however it is needed in each individual’s life. They stay grounded and listen to what it is they are to create, in form of words and books and art. They speak their truth, and let go of what people do with it. So I ask myself about my motivations for the work I do. There is paradox, a desire to control, and a desire to help. I can hold those at the same time. I pray that my actions reflect the light, though, and that the shadow, control, becomes what motivates me to act with right use of power. So I sit here at the blog again, with a renewed desire to create, speak my truth, and release the words to be used however each individual needs. I’m learning to check myself, before I wreck myself, and others in the process.

In reflecting on this process of mine, I think of the parents and children I get to work with, those in movies, those I see in public, and my own interactions with my parents. I wonder why people behave as they do, and just how conscious we are of how we affect the children with whom we have influence. I believe it is essential to clean up one’s inner life, to be sure that what we’re passing on to our own children, and those of our communities, the arms of love, and not wound. Appreciation, Acknowledgement, Gratitude, Generosity, Forgiveness, Laughter, and Play. Starting this new school year has been an absolute pleasure, on a deeper and more true level than ever before. Why? I am not going in with an agenda, or a neediness, to the best of my ability at this time. When I prepare for the school day I pray, meditate, and pray again. What do I pray for? A release of rigidity, control and wound. A filling of my heart with flexibility, kindness, to be a hollow bone through which Divine love can flow to the children and their keepers and teachers. Try this as you open your day of work and/or parenting, in whatever way works for your sense of the Divine.

There are many paths to inner healing, the clean up. There are some essential elements in whatever path your choose. First, if you seek help from someone, aka counselors, therapists, chaplains, priests, whoever is advising you, that person needs to be focused on YOUR empowerment, not their own. If you have a sense of increased personal power after a session, perfect. If you feel ripped of, weaker, gutted, there may be an issue of an unhealthy power exchange. Don’t discount your feelings and intuitions. You are probably more aware and conscious of what’s happening than you may want to admit, in all aspects of your life. The other essential ingredient in choosing a path to healing is nurturing a personal connection to your inner divinity. However you feel comfortable saying and doing it, pray, meditate, transcend, get on your knees and beg, somehow connect with the great power that created us and this beautiful universe. The Great Mystery, God, Alla, The Creator, Jesus, all the names and faces of the one truth, The One Truth. That truth is that we are here to love and to create, in the words of Angeles Arien, not to suffer and wallow in the depths of strife. Find a way to rise above the details of the day and see the Divine in all things, learn to see your experiences as a path to your higher self, a way to learn who you are and why you’re here. The Great Divine is interested in YOU, you are seen, you are loved, and there is hope. Right now, today, there is hope.

Take a moment here to take three deep cleansing breaths, with eyes closed. Feel within you that place of peace. It’s there. Breath it in, and trust yourself.

Did you feel that? Do it again, as often as you can, especially before you advise and parent. Our children need us to be clean, to teach from the arms of love. Love first, the rest will follow.

Treatment Plan for Autism

Treatment? Hmmm, don’t know if I’d use that word for Autism. I prefer to think of health care and education for children with Autism as a way of supporting their higher selves. There are only two things that are needed, physical comfort and at least one healthy, primary relationship. For all children, this is true. When one is comfortable in their body and able to relate to one other human being, they can learn and accomplish their life dreams. This is the plan of action for the kids and parent I work with, to determine what physical challenges are present and what method of relating to others is most nurturing to that child. Every child is unique in how they want to be approached, as are we. Children with Autism often have difficulty in relating to their bodies, and may feel threatened by physical sensations. They are children of higher consciousness, and thus may not feel at home in their bodies. I’ve seen children react to a light touch on the back, which was intended to simply get their attention, as a threat to the physical safety. A big tantrum and expressions of fear can be the result of simply feeling something physical. Can you imagine feeling so out of place in your body?

It is our job as therapists, educators and parents to support their feelings of safety in their bodies. By finding sensations that are comforting, we can usher them into a greater acceptance of other sensations and experiences that may feel threatening, bit by bit. This is sensory integration therapy, by the way. One great challenge in raising a child with Autism is that it takes longer than ‘typical’ to mature to the point of being able to interact in the world without feeling afraid of feeling. However, they do get there, especially if their primary relationship is nurtured by a parent or caregiver who is in full support of who they are, today. Accepting the child as whole and perfect today is the key to supporting their growth and development. This is not different than any other child’s needs. It is a human need to feel accepted. I pray that we can all accept the quirky, and sometimes very challenging, preferences and behaviors of children with Autism. Today, right now, they are exactly who they need to be. May we say ‘YES’ first, then help them in taking the next step toward maturity and integration into the world.

Gratitude and Autism

Gratitude, the key to happiness. To focus on the many gifts and treasures I have and am given feeds my hungry heart. It’s hungry for joy and a lighter way of life. I had that as a child. I played with wild abandon, and laughed without reservation. I love that about kids! They remind me of who I am and help me get back to the joy of simply being alive. Our kids with Autism are no exception. When well supported and loved, they too have the pure joy of living. Like all children they need to feel unconditional acceptance in order to stay in touch with their joy and self- love.

I’m concerned with what’s happening in our world around Autism. People are saying it’s something to be cured, a curse, a burden. I think there’s another way to see what’s happening. these children are gifted and neurologically different from average people. They see and feel the world in an entirely unique way. It’s our job to figure out how to support their gifts, to accept them exactly as they are, today. Trying to make them average is what causes them pain. Saying that the way they feel and what they see is wrong, squashes the love and joy out of their childhood and innocence. What if, instead, we watch, listen, and discern how to help them be comfortable exactly as they are?

The Four Chambered Heart: Clear, Strong, Open and Full

I recognize and experience the difficulty of a child with behavior problems. These aren’t rose colored glasses I’m wearing. I witness the hard moments and heart break of teaching and living with a child with Autism. I’ve been hit in the face more than once. Due to the big communication barrier between children with Autism and their caregivers, the kids use these behaviors to communicate their needs and wants. When I get socked in the face, I know I missed something they were trying to tell me, I didn’t hear words and didn’t consider other ways of communicating. I see the discomfort and am struck with empathy when their behaviors become self-injurious, as well. This means we have to work harder to understand how to teach them, how to hear the why and how and what in their behavior. We have to be more present as their caregivers than with kids that go to school and daycare with ease. We may even have to quit jobs and learn an entirely new way of parenting! They are worth it. Beautiful little artists, each of them.

It saddens me to hear of families rejecting Autism. What the children need are open minds, tender hearts, consistent environmental supports, and love to surround them. Find ways to support them and ease suffering in their bodies. This will help them feel safe and decrease behavior problems. Healthy diets, good sleep, body work, such as craniosacral therapy, and occupational therapy for sensory play are the essential building blocks for development for children with Autism, and any child for that matter.

The cure we need is not for Autism, it is for closed minds and broken creativity in our parenting. The cure we need is for focusing on what isn’t working, and what sucks about life. The cure is love. To be in love with life is to be grateful. To be in love with these children is to notice their gifts and strengths. May we all grow in gratitude for the children. May we all open our hearts to the adults they will become. May we be the creative leaders they are seeking!

Gifts and Talents

On my mind lately is what gifts and talents are within us and our children? Specifically, what are we missing in our kids with Autism? How can we foster what their particular gifts are? There’s a child in my Kindergarten class who has a true musical gift; he’s an amazing drummer! Another child told me today that he’s an artist. So we got out paints and an easel. He painted the same drawing from last week. Why? What’s on his mind? It’s a beautiful picture of stairs and a ball. So I wonder, what will be there favorite activity as they grow? I’ve noticed that kids on the Autism Spectrum do eventually find their gifts, and so many turn out to be absolutely remarkable. Does it just take them longer to bring them forward? Or are we so busy trying to make them the same as every other kid, that we miss the magic that only they have. Are we squishing the fun and vision out of their heads with behavioral techniques and compliance?

Here’s a beautiful talent…

Get Outside!

A friend of mine sent me a link to a group that is providing parents with information on getting our kids reconnected with nature! The organization is Green Hour. Brilliant!

It is a shame how much we are indoors. For years I didn’t realize that what I was longing for was a good walk outside each day. As a culture we are dealing with alarming anxiety and depression rates. Our children are showing earlier signs of deep sadness and anxiety. It is simply true that time in nature can bring great healing to us and our children. Please, take your kids outside. Equally important is having time outside by yourselves. This one thing can heal the world in ways we cannot yet fathom.

Parenting a Child in the Four Directions, the North

In the Winter time I go inside, I’m sure I’m no exception. Blogging and writing in general has been a challenge for me. However, as the days get longer I’m feeling a resurgence of inspiration. I’m very grateful for the time I’ve had to consider my own shadows and what I need to let go of, to go on. This morning I asked myself and the Great Spirit about what the Four Directions have to say about parenting, particularly parenting a child with Autism. The principles in the Four Directions remain unchanged whether ones child has Autism or not. I’d like to acknowledge, though, the unique challenges of parenting a child with Autism. They have come to teach us a new way of life, to bring us home to ourselves and our families. Time after time parents of children with Autism have indicated that when they really realized what their child needs are, they’ve changed jobs and have added more time at home with their families. What a gift their child has brought them. Yes, it can be difficult not to resent that change. When change seems to be imposed by others’ needs, it can feel like you have no choice, and that perspective can bring in anger. However, what if we release that belief? What if, instead, we say thank you to the children, for bringing us home to what is most important in this life, family.

In the time of the North, the winter, let’s consider parenting concepts that align with this direction. This is the time of navigating shadows. In every shadow there is an aspect of light. Forgive your child their shadows. They are not here to hurt you, but to bring you a new perspective. Are you present enough to notice the gifts and talents they bring to your family? Have you asked your child what their dreams are? If they are able to tell you, even a little bit, write them down. Help them keep a dream journal. This will help you gain insight into their unique perspective, challenges, and their heart felt wishes. Does your child have a grandparent? Spend time with the elders. They have come a long way, and along their paths have collected wisdom that is needed in your child’s life. Explore the stories of your ancestors. Have you noticed any consistent themes of challenge in your family through the ages?

In navigating shadows, I’ve found that I have to start within, or I begin to project my issues on the children, and on my partner. The most helpful tool, by far, has been inner parenting meditations. In each of us is a child. In all of our lives, we had hurts and needs in childhood that were not healed or met. We can go back and re-imagine our childhoods, to offer love and healing to the child within. Have a play date with your inner child. Let her or him know that you will always be there for them, and that the needs of your family can coexist with theirs. I realized, in playing with children, that my inner child gets very jealous when I give a lot of attention to other kids. She tries to take over the situation and control the children to meet her own needs. It’s very uncomfortable to feel jealous in the presence of a child that needs my adult competent self. To remedy the situation, I spend time with my little 5 year old within, just the two of us. We color and go to the zoo. I give her hugs and make time to let her write to me or draw pictures. It’s a simple activity, and has had vast effects on my experience in playing with other children. When I go to work or play with other children, I ask her to stay with a babysitter. Sound silly? It works. I can meet the needs of my inner child, then when I’m in the company of others, I am no longer needy and jealous. It’s a remarkable tool. I’ve found this practice to be very helpful to the parents I work with in my private practice, as well.

Activities for parenting in the North:

-Go through old pictures of grandparents. Make photo copies and allow the children to color them.

-Play with rattles. When you’re having a hard time being present the rattle can wash away whatever is getting in you or your child’s way.

-Write your dreams and the dreams of your child. Make a collage of  your and your child’s life dreams.

-Dance party! Kids love to dance. Their wild abandon can teach you a thing or two.

-Star gaze, is their a planetarium near you? Explore the nations of the Stars, and the ancient constellations.

-Stay in the present moment. Do whatever it takes to stay present, this is the cure for anxiety. It will bring joy and healing, beyond your greatest imaginations!